The other night I dreamed that I was at a bar. Everyone was drinking a pink cocktail mixture from pitchers, and Sheriff Truman from Twin Peaks was on stage with an acoustic guitar, singing us a selection of Bob Dylan songs with “cheese” in the lyrics.
As you may have previously ascertained, I enjoy a number of things about Taco Bell, the least of which is the actual food.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t by any means suffer through the food. A good CrunchWrap Supreme or Cheesy Gordita Crunch can really hit the spot, and does just that about once a week on average (Dear Anthony Bourdain, I’m sorry. Love, Cameron). But it’s not just the food — it’s the whole package. The imaginary food names. The awful typeface. The weird purple/pink/teal early 90’s semi-New-Mexico faux-adobe construction. The tiny list of ingredients (and the necessarily bizarre combinations thereof). The hammy commercials. It’s all very … endearing.
Just consider the just-launched and ridiculously-named “New 79¢ 89¢ 99¢ Why Pay More Value Menu” (note: if phrases like “Get Your Grub On” and “Why Pay Mo’” cause you physical pain, do not click that link.). For no particularly apparent reason, Taco Bell has chosen to yet again redesign its Value Menu — and this time there are new offerings. And if you should know one thing about me, it’s that I love new Taco Bell menu items.
I’m something like 6 weeks late telling you about this, which is a shame, because it’s awesome.
Shannon and I aren’t big fans of Valentine’s Day. Granted, back when we were dating, I used V-Day as an opportunity to flawlessly execute all sorts of fabulously romantic plans with … wait, actually, we started dating in June and were engaged by December, so February as a whole never really came into play until she already had the ring. So, never mind.
Last year I got us a reservation at the ridiculous 2-story Maggiano’s in West End, where we had to wait 30 minutes for a table anyway and turned out to only be 1 story (the bottom story is restrooms and a VIP something-or-other).
The point is, Valentine’s is lame. Not that I don’t like arranging romantic evenings or whatever, but I feel no need to time my romantic arrangements on some sort of a national scale with the rest of society. Plus, all the good restaurants are crowded.
This year, Shannon had a brilliant idea. She offered to fix us a seven-course dinner. I was speechless. Seven courses! Even better: She wanted it to be a surprise! (Translation: I didn’t have to do anything!)
Seven courses, by candlelight, for me … I mean us.
Ultra-brilliant! Smashing! Awesome! Here’s how it went.